In-Betweeness

Hi people. How's it going?

Marvelous.

I'm sitting here in my little cubicle at work, waiting for the floodgates to burst open in my schedule later next month as I start running check-ins and check-outs for the various camps that our organization will be hosting. Until then, though, a busy day equates to thumb-twiddling and spontaneously speaking in Russian accents (if my coworkers and I are lucky, we might even battle over who gets to write the two-sentence email that our boss asked one of us to write).

But, seriously. It's fun. You did see my little blurb about Russian accents, right? I wasn't kidding, I promise you.

So, with all this time on my hands, I thought that something more than endless online window shopping and skipping around my Spotify playlists might be called for. Something like, say, finally drafting a blog post on that idea I've had floating around in my head for weeks...

I swear, I do this all the time:

*blog post idea meanders into head*
"Hey, that's neat! I should write a blog post about that!"
*idea settles in for a 2-hour stay*
"Ummm, yeah...let me get back to you on that."
 6 weeks later...

I'm working on it, guys. No promises.

Now, when I jump started this blog, I didn't really envision it becoming a deep theological archive of churchy-what-have-you's, and to be quite honest, I'm working to round out the concept that was originally in my head a little bit more. I'd like to incorporate some fashion tips, beauty know-how, music, movies, books...all that cultural jazz...but it seems all I ever end up writing about are the lessons God is teaching me from His Word. There's nothing wrong with that situation, I'm inclined to think; in fact, there could be everything right with it. I'm not entirely sure. I do know that writing - anything - has always tapped into the deep well somewhere down inside of me, and suddenly I start uncovering thoughts and feelings and ideas that I didn't know were hidden down there. Sometimes they're beautiful, and sometimes they're hideous and yet still beautiful in a strange way, and sometimes...

I just don't know. What say I just keep writing, let God have His way with my fingers and computer and heart and mind, and we see what happens?

Okay then. Here we go.

*Stay tuned for my next blog post - which, I promise, will be much more substantial than this cursory fly-by.

Year One: This is [Our] God

"...but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me.....For this, O Lord, I will praise You among the nations; I will sing praises to Your name" (Psalm 18:19, 49).

^My sentiments as I heave a huge sigh of relief and wrap up the first year of my undergrad studies. Wow. Have I really completed one entire year of this insanity?

But I'm so grateful. And amazed.

I've watched God provide for my needs again and again, from the smallest to the greatest: a meal plan, financial assistance, a job, good grades, supportive friends - all these blessings and more. I've found reminders of His faithfulness at moment when I needed them the most. The sheer fact that I *get* to live this adventure in the presence and power of the Lord overjoys and humbles me all at once.

I'm not being churchy when I say that I am unworthy of the many blessings He has showered me with; this year has given me enough proof of my weaknesses and the areas in which the Refiner's fire needs to burn deeper and melt away the clinging flesh-attitudes.

I think it's ridiculously easy for people to share the incredible things the Lord has done in them and for them and conclude with an oh-so-spiritual, "Yeah, it's fantastic. I don't deserve it."

Inwardly, they're smugly pleased with themselves and the things they've accomplished. Oh, yes, their head may resound with thoughts of God's grace and favor dispensed in their lives, but they have yet to come to grips with their utter lack of worthiness. They've read their Bible, they've baked cookies for church, they have a blog where they write on spiritual themes...they've deserved some of God's blessings, certainly.

I know. I've done the same thing far too often, largely due to the fact that I haven't been confronted full-force with my weaknesses, with the reality that, apart from Christ, I really am undeserving.

But this semester - this year - I've watched my humanity seep through whatever veneer I prided myself on having gently smoothed over my faults and failures...my sin. Granted, I had learned much during high school, having grown spiritually and matured in my faith - but I hadn't reached some sort of perfection plateau. College transformed (and, to be honest) is still transforming my view of myself - and of God.

I've shrugged off the promptings of the Lord in favor of my pride and so-called "busy" schedule (time management issues on top of that, anyone?). I've let satan rule me with fear. My love for others has often been insincere, and my eyes have been so taken up with the glitter of the present that I, at times, haven't been able to see the glow of the future God has in store for me.

Long story short, ladies and gentlemen? I'm weak. Above all things, this past year has taught me the message of 1 Corinthians 10:12: "If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall." In His faithfulness, He forgives my sin, but His glory calls me to nevertheless pursue holiness (Romans 6:1-2). And I do. And I fail. And His grace is sufficient in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) as I cry out for His help to please Him and live a life obedient to His words.

Thus, I mean what I say when I declare that I am unworthy of what God has done for me. I can only pray that this message, this truth of my utter unworthiness and His supreme worthiness, will invade me like a lightning bolt invades the trunk of a tree and sets it on fire. I want to always and forever be amazed by the things He does for me, to keep gasping and staring and wondering and murmuring in awe that this is my God.

This is our God.

Another psalm (Psalm 103, specifically verses 1-5) comes to my mind as I meditate on the year gone by:

"Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

 

And, honestly? That's all I can say. It's all I have to offer: an encouragement to you and to my own soul to bless the Lord, the One Who in and of Himself is the highest benefit, our Great Reward; the One Who has set our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12); our Healer; our Redeemer, Who takes our brokenness and brings forth beauty; our Glory, our Joy, our Satisfier, our Strength.

Bless Him. Bless Him for Who He is and what He has done. Even when we are (as we are so very often) unworthy, He is utterly, eternally worthy.

I can't wait to see where He takes me next...

Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!

You See, There's This Band Coming to Town...

...and I'm really excited about it.

Really, really, really excited.

Ever heard of Tenth Avenue North?

You haven't?

SHAME. ON. YOU.

*starts throwing random Tenth Ave goodies at innocent by...ummm...by-reader?...I don't know*

Here, watch this:

And take a look at this:

Yep. The Struggle Tour. Snazzy name, eh? Vaguely reminiscent of the title of their most recent studio release...

And you know what? While you're catching up on the last six or so missed years of your musical life (Tenth Ave's first studio album, Over and Underneath, was released in 2008), go ahead and watch this:



The Struggle Tour. Happening in a city near me (huzzah!) and, chances are, near you too. Scroll down the list, find the closest city, and skeddadle on over before you miss it. You won't regret it, I promise.

Now, you may be thinking: why should you care?

Ahem. Excuse you for having the audacity to ask that question. *adjusts spectacles to be more advantageous to peering-down-one's-nose*

But now, in all seriousness: that was a valid question. It would be my pleasure to answer it.

Boy-bands (or pop-rock bands in general) are a common cultural phenomenon. All you need is five guitarists (seven if you really want to make an impression), a hunky drummer, a melodramatic keyboardist, and a dynamic front man who can belt it WHILE clutching the microphone on its stand WHILE strumming away on his snazzy acoustic Hohner. I mean, it's so simple. You wonder why we don't have more of these pop icons showing up on a regular basis.

Oh, wait.

Never mind.

(I'm not even going to confess that One Direction just popped into my mind.)

But, all that say: bands these days tend to be overrated. Especially running around in Christian circles. Names like "Rugged Splinter" (an obvious reference to the cross), "Until You" (again, obviously a nudge at the salvation experience of the lead vocalist), and the ever-popular "Light" (because as a Christian, it's all about the light now, right?) are combined with v-neck tees, skinny dark-wash jeans, and I'm-so-cool-I-can't-smile expressions, and there ya' have it. The archetypical Christian band, redeemed and energetic and squeaky clean. They really have some fantastic lyrics, too; they tend to run along the lines of,

"I love You

I love You

I need You

I need You

Tonight

Tonight

I'm going to come alive

Because You

Arethewaythetruthandthelifeandnothingcaneverseparateusbecauseyourloveisdeepandwideandlongandhigh..."

Deep stuff, you guys. My toes can't find their way out.

Ahhh, I'm sorry. The sarcasm is just too fun. I promise I'll stop now and get to my point...my point...yeah...oh, no, wait, I've got it.

You see, in the days of stereotypical religion and the same songs that have simply been rewritten in several hundred variations, Tenth Avenue North is something new and fresh that hearkens back to days when quality came before quantity and words had more worth than filling up the next record contract. At the heart of the ministry of Tenth Avenue North is a desire to do something authentic, something real that leads listeners to experience God. Mike Donehey, the lead vocalist, guitarist, and head writer for the band, wrote rather profoundly:

What we’re hoping for with this music that we’re making is to not just entertain people. I think it’s safe to say that we already have plenty of that. What we’re wanting is to see people encounter truth. Remember, we all worked at a church for some time, and there we saw plenty of emotion. We saw plenty of people having a good time, but it wasn’t long until we realized that if emotion isn’t being evoked by truth, well, then it just doesn’t last. And we want this love in hearts to last. I guess you could say we’re done just trying to get emotional from blast beats and hip guitar lyrics. Instead, we desire to be cut to the heart. To be honest, genuine, and faithful to what we believe is truth.

(Source: Tenth Avenue North.com)

"Honest, genuine, and faithful."

I'm cool with that idea. In fact, I'm strongly supportive of that idea. When you have a band that says, "You know what? Enough with the emotionalism, enough with the trend-for-trend's-sake, enough with the popular concept of churchiness. Let's just be honest. Let's just be genuine. Let's just be faithful." Faithful to the truth of God's Word, not our concept of it. Faithful to the power of God that can change lives, not our charged emotionalism that squeezes out a tear or two. Faithful to the message of the cross, which demands nothing less that ultimate, overwhelming surrender.

Tenth Avenue North accomplishes this mission very well. Far from generic lyrics about an ambiguous "You" (in which the only indication that it's talking about God is the upper-cased "Y" in the liner notes), their songs are introspective, well-crafted, and insightful. They explore multiple facets of humanity - the struggle with sin; the redemption of our sin and poor choices; the deep love of God for us, His beloved; and forgiveness - with word choices that are reminiscent of A.W. Tozer or C.S. Lewis. They're beautiful, they're profound, and they're remarkable.

So go ahead and plunge into their music. Visit their website, listen to the music, and be sure to check the tour itinerary for an event happening near you!

...it's not enough to just say, "I believe,"
'Cause truth is that talk is cheap.
So grace, give me eyes to see.

You came to take us back to the start;
You came to touch the hardness of our hearts.
You gave us truth; that truth is Who You are
It's Who You are. 

 (Lyrics from "The Truth is Who You Are" by Tenth Avenue North on their sophomore album, "The Light Meets the Dark")

 

  

"Open My Eyes" - Cultivating a Spirit of Anticipation

I have a wonderful friend.

Well, scratch that. I have wonderful friends. Please don't think that my first statement means I eek out a social existence via Facebook, Twitter, and this blog without the joy of any real, face-to-face relationships. I promise you: it's not like that.

But I was, specifically, thinking about one friend in particular. The fact that I even know her name is a testimony to God's faithfulness, and when I think about the friendship we've cultivated over the past few years, my mind gets blown. Every time. Kaboom. Little bits of baffled brain all over the place.

We talk about everything: work, church, relationships (both the guy and the girl kind), family dynamics, dreams, successes, et cetera, et cetera. And while we jive on almost any topic our conversation lands on, I think we most appreciate sharing what God is doing in our lives, how He is challenging our faith, and what He's been teaching us through His Word. I would say without a doubt that these more "spiritual" discussions are the crux of our friendship. We're soul-sisters, without a doubt, and I can assure you that there's nothing more incredible than peering in at a person's heart and finding that it, like yours, has been captured by the deep love of Christ.

So, recently, we had a soul-sister talk. It's what we gals do. Call each other up, say "hi," exchange pleasantries, and then get into the stuff that really matters. Life lessons. Friendships. Our respective relationships with God. Forget the who-likes-who and oh-my-word-did-you-see-this-movie superficiality; we're sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17) before the timer on my cell phone reads "00:02:00." (Now, granted, the latest film version of Jane Austen's Emma has come up occasionally...ish. Okay, frequently. But come on...it's Jane Austen!)

She (my friend, not Jane Austen) asked me about my life recently, and I gave her the lowdown on college life. (Unlike myself, she chose to forgo college, feeling that God had a different agenda for her life.) In one of our previous conversations I had mentioned the challenge of maintaining a consistent schedule for my time with the Lord every morning; she now asked how I'd been doing in that area. Thankfully, I was able to share how I, by God's grace, had read God's Word almost every morning and was committed to continuing the practice.

Granted, keeping such a commitment has been challenging at times. On most mornings, my alarm blares in my ear, I hit the "snooze" button, and flop back onto my pillow with a groan. When I finally roll out of bed, I'm still tired - but the day will go on in spite of me, and my professors will have little sympathy for a bleary-eyed student who simply didn't get to bed on time the night before.

But, before I hit the shower, it's devotional time.

I used to ultra-prioritize my mornings, showering and getting completely ready for my busy day before I spent any time in God's Word. After all, I had to be ready and prompt; there's no such thing as "fashionably late," right? As you might expect, my theory didn't work very well. By the time I was satisfied with my hair and had gulped down a protein shake, the clock would read 8:00 a.m., and I was out the door. No devotions, not so much as a prayer.

Therefore, I decided that my very first post-rolling-out-of-bed move would be to open my Bible and a devotional book (currently Springs in the Valley, by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman) with the intent to spend time (however brief) in the Lord's presence before I dreamed of doing anything else. It usually amounted to five minutes or less, but God was (and is) so faithful to show me exactly what I need for the day ahead.

Now, I know what you're thinking. (Didn't tell you I could read minds, did I?) "Sorry, but that doesn't work for me. I do my devotions, but I don't ever hear from God. I don't even know why I bother anymore." Or maybe...

"Yes! That's awesome! I totally get what you're saying! I mean, I just read John 3:16 this morning and the part where it says, 'God so loved the world' was just fantastic because it reminded me how much God loves me, and today has been the best day EVER and oh my goodness I LOVE JESUS!"

Umm... *pats on head* *runs very far away*

But now, in all seriousness, let me ask you: what exactly are you expecting from your devotions?

A spiritual pick-me-up?

A "Jesus high"?

A day in which nothing goes wrong, because you read Philippians 4:13 while you were putting on your makeup?

Or, perhaps: were you expecting anything?

Before I go further, I feel a need to clarify: John 3:16 is a spectacular verse. It takes the Gospel and wraps it into a concise sentence that is easy to remember and powerful to quote. In the same way, Philippians 4:13 is an extremely important reminder that, as 17th century Christian author and preacher Jonathan Burr wrote, "in myself I am nothing; in Christ, all things." Unfortunately, though, these verses have been overemphasized to the point where they have become church-y cliches that we no longer meditate upon reverently, instead relegating them to common catchphrases that mean about as much to us as the conventional greeting of "How are you?"

But, to continue: what are you expecting from your time with the Lord? Do you quickly scan the page and the dash off to the next task on the list? Or do you enter into your devotions with a spirit of anticipation, peering eagerly at every word of every verse, eyes open to the message that you know God has for you that day?

Throughout the Psalms we read of the importance of anticipating God. In Psalm 25:4-5, David prays,

"Show me the right path, O Lord;
    point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by Your truth and teach me..."

His prayer reflects a heart desirous of and expecting God to respond. He was anticipating God to answer; further, he was willing to follow the path that God led him on.

Psalm 119 is even richer in examples of a spirit of anticipation. In the description of joyful people found in verses 1-2, one of the characteristics listed is anticipation: "Joyful are those who...search for Him [God] with all their hearts" (v. 2). Joy is found in actively seeking ("with all their hearts") God. Again, here comes the word we've all grown to know and love: anticipation. In general, you don't look for something if you don't expect to find it. Expectation precedes seeking.

Finally, perhaps the most vivid but to-the-point prayer that reflects a heart of anticipation is found in Psalm 118:19: "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in Your law." This is my prayer every morning, the words my heart cries out as I seek to know the Lord more and more. Open my eyes! Remove the blinders! Show me what I have never seen before!

Whether it be for you, a friend, a coworker, a family member - a total stranger, even- God has a message that He wants you to hear today. He wants to encourage you, challenge you, equip you to share His love in a fresh way to someone who desperately needs to hear His truth. Don't let a busy schedule or a blind heart prevent His words from reaching their intended destination. Preface your quiet time with this prayer:

Open my eyes, Lord!

 

*gasping for breath*

Heya.

I'm a pretty terrible blogger, eh? No posts for a few months...tsk tsk. Well, I promise there's a good...very good...reason behind my delinquency. Think school. And papers. And tests.

I don't know about you, but for me those items generally take priority over blogging to a handful of disinterested followers. :)

I'd thought I'd kick off my free time with something sweet and simple - a few new graphics for you to enjoy! The first two are banners specifically sized to function as Facebook cover photos, and the last is a teensy little icon I whipped up on a whim in between classes.

Stars and Dots

In 1997 Max Lucado released a whimsical storybook for children entitled You Are Special. It was a book that I grew up on, and I still remember the moments when my dad would pull out it out and start reading to me the story of a little wooden Wemmick named Punchinello.

"Wemmicks?" You stare at me blankly. "Punchinello? Say wha?" Ohhhh yes. The Wemmicks. Those silly little wooden people who, to my knowledge, have yet to discover any real worth apart from stars and dots and probably to this day know next to nothing about how much their Maker loves them. And Punchinello. Ah, Punchinello. The saddest Wemmick of all who taught me and dozens of other 90's kids that, well, "You are special."

The premise of the book is simple: what's most important is what God thinks. However, instead of spelling it out in so many words, Lucado decided to use an ingenious illustration involving little wooden people called Wemmicks. They're all special, of course, but seem to need validation from each other to find any real worth. This validation comes in the form of stickers in the shapes of dots and stars. When a Wemmick performs a noteworthy deed, such as singing the most beautiful song or balancing precariously atop a stack of wooden crates a mile high, the other Wemmicks gather around him and reverently apply the star stickers. However, for those who trip on pavement stones or just can't seem to skip a rock across the water, the Wemmicks are also there to plaster the miscreant with loathsome gray dots.

Such is Punchinello's fate. He can't do anything right. He's the odd fellow tripping over the paving stones and unsuccessfully attempting to skip rocks across the water. He isn't special. He can't possibly be. The star-less bespeckling of dots all over his wooden body are enough to verify that. And he can't do anything about his gray-dotted destiny. That's just the way life is.

Until he meets Lucia. Unlike all the other Wemmicks plastered with a mix of stars and dots, the stickers just don't stick to her. Stars and dots alike fall off. And what's more - she doesn't even seem to care.

Punchinello is dying to know why the stickers won't stay on Lucia and why she doesn't care. When he finally works up his courage to ask her, she smiles and tells him "It's easy. Every day I go to see Eli."

Eli? Who is He? And why is He so important?

You see, Eli isn't just another Wemmick. He doesn't even live with the Wemmicks in their village. In fact, he lives down the road and over the hill and away and away and away.

Who is He, then?

Eli is the woodcarver.

The Wemmicks are His own unique creations, carved out with His chisel and fashioned in love to be perfectly who they are. He loves His Wemmicks, even if they have become a little preoccupied with stickers, aren't perfect most of the time despite how many stars they've acquired, and don't really even know Who He is.

Punchinello swallows his fear and timidly approaches the wood shop, desperate to know what it is about Eli that makes the dots fall off. Hearing Punchinello tiptoeing around the corner of the massive wood shop, Eli calls out, "Punchinello?" He picks a very shocked Punchinello up, sets him on the work bench, and begins to tell the downtrodden Wemmick something very important. "I think you are pretty special," He tells him.

But why is Punchinello so special? After all, can't Eli see the dots all over his green outfit? Doesn't He know that the dots mean Punchinello is useless, a failure in the eyes of everybody? How can Punchinello possibly be special?

"Because I made you," Eli gently reminds him."And I don't make mistakes."

And therein lies the powerful message of the story. Punchinello's value doesn't lie in how many stars or dots he has accumulated, and neither does our value lie in what people have to say about us. Even thought Punchinello was clumsy and unpopular, Eli loved him, because Punchinello was His own special creation. In the same way, even though we humans sin and make a general mess of things, God loves us unconditionally because we are His own special creations. And He doesn't make mistakes (Isaiah 43:4; Isaiah 46:4).

~

That's a significant amount of back story, but it's essential to understanding the main point of the rest of this post, namely a poem that I scrawled out not so very long ago. I was inspired by Lucado's illustration of stars and dots and consequently did what any sensible person does when they're inspired: I grabbed a pen, sprawled out on my bedroom floor, and got to it.

Stars and Dots

A star for me,

should I live 

my life in such a way

as to please mere men.

And should I fail,

they tell me so. 

For instead of a star -

shining, golden with their praises -

they give me a dot; 

all their scorn in a 
small,

gray,

mocking 
dot

that clings to my flesh

and whispers "You are nothing."

My heart inclines to believe.

For is this not the lust of humankind,

the way we spend our eternal days,

in craving applause,

fading for lack of praise,

clamoring,

clamoring,

to be heard above the noise?

Stars, stars,

from ones who know not their Maker;

dots, dots, 

from those who do not know their own weakness.

And yet all the time,

above the noise,

He is singing,

singing over us!

If we would but cease our frantic madness,

become blind to the stars,

blind to the dots, 

deaf to the voices lying to us,

then we would hear...a song 

that makes the stars grow dim

and the dots become as nothing.

A song that declares,

"I have called you by name,

I have made you;

You are Mine!"

And then?

Freedom.

For even stars cannot compare 

to the brilliance of

His love. 

(See Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 43:1-4.)

New Music Video From the Annie Moses Band

I'm very excited. Very, very, very excited.

A certain band released a certain music video that I've been waiting for since May of this year.

And I thought that you might like to enjoy it. ^.^

Ladies, and the occasional gentleman that might wander this way, may I present the Annie Moses Band!